s h a m e

It's not a dramatic teenager hiding her head between her legs.

It's not a flippant confession of a step away from norm.

It's Words.

Traveled without brakes, returned without mercy.

Spoken from the mouth of the woman in the mirror.

Conjured in the mind with unrelenting force, hammering down any glimmer of truth.

Masking with makeup, men, and maturity,

no verse can unveil its burden.

The shame doesn't flee at the sight of a Bible or the voice of Oprah, it attaches like a flea devouring the flesh of the vulnerable.

It's rooted in fear of tainted earth images and faking perfect divine images.

We do not forgive, it does not rest.

We fight? We lose.

We accept? We crumble.

We embrace? We rise.

Chained to shame yet we drag it along.

Smeared with mud of passion, poise, and patience, it feels it's own burden.

Do not ignore.

Do not deny.

Do not cave.

For the day will come when shame cowers in abyss and beauty finally sits queen.

s o n g 1

Freedom’s victory from an unguarded heart.

Torn from the shards of a soul ripped apart.

Calloused from vulnerable places and textured remarks.

Gracious light intrude in the unwelcome dark.

Exhausted and dirty from a sinner’s lost fight.

O God, no comprehension of your glorious might.

Created me so, childlike and lost.

Forgiven and treasured at such a high cost.

Struck by sense a of wonder so hopeless.

Perplexed by the grandeur of your timing and purpose.

Distraught upon feelings of relentless confusion.

In awe of the storms of your gracious intrusion.

Exhausted and dirty from a sinner’s lost fight.

O God, no comprehension of your glorious might.

Created me so, childlike and lost.

Forgiven and treasured at such a high cost.

Peace at heart and peace of mind.

Jesus, you are and will always be mine.

Spirit, kindle a fire

and burn through my soul to uncover desire.

4 0 : 3 1

When will I soar?

Unsolicited thoughts maneuver into my mind

Lost in the heat of relentless shame

When will I let loose?

Plagued by my worst enemy

Me. Yes. Me.

I falter even in the highs.

I’m damaged in flight.

When will I soar?

When I fall hard.

When I testify for Him and against me.

When I am found guilty for the damage.

Lifted.

Permitted love maneuvers into my should

Then I will soar.

a g a i n ?

I am hurt because I am human.

I have nerves and you didn't notice

Until you scratched at the surface with merciless pain.

The words rolled off the curves of my body's demur

And I waited to forget.

I am hurt because I am human.

Surprise to no one, not even to God,

I collapsed under the weight of compromised facade.

Not tough nor strong, not loved nor forgotten.

Do you feel satisfied at my weak soul? A heart undone by years of hiding, never confiding.

Are you fulfilled by my tears unrelenting and screams among the stars?

No, you don't. For space is empty and never passes an echo.

I am unheard and weeping- fighting so weakly.

I am hurt because I am human.

Passed by like a cloud and fragile as a weed, I smile yet they never see my plea.

What charm and what love. What hate and what hypocrisy.

Living in an assigned dichotomy, I am far from just me.

After all these days and years and chapters, I should have grown. Flourished out of ashes, hurt only by stones.

Yet I look in the mirror and see that I am broken.

I am hurt because I am human.

These shards in my being are because of your words and those looks.

Can I be content with bitterness and anger boiling over the edge?

My hatred is justified yet my sorrow feels no end.

Forgiveness is seen through the peep hole of ego and surrender is felt when knocks are answered

I'm no longer the host.

No it didn't happen in a blink, I'm climbing a ladder of nails and screws, but at the top I hold only a bruise.

You tore me apart and you have no idea.

I am not what you supposed and you still forget, but my hope is building with each little step.

I am hurt because I am human.

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